Writing part 2 – informal email (Tom Buchman)

Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong and how to correct it. Then when you’re ready, check the text below for our corrections and feedback.

Code	Use	Example
WW	Wrong word	For conclusion, I’d suggest doing this event every year.
WT	Wrong time	In conclusion, I am suggesting doing this event every year.
WF	Wrong form	In conclusion, I’d suggest to do this event every year.
WO	Word order	In conclusion, I’d suggest every year doing this event.
SP	Spelling	In conclution, I’d suggest doing this event every year.
P	Punctuation	In conclusion: I’d suggest doing this event every year.
R	Register	In conclusion, let’s do this event every year!
X	Extra word	In conclusion, I’d suggest doing this event in every year.
M	Missing word	In conclusion, I __ suggest doing this event every year.

Original version:

 

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your message. Great to hear from you!

Wow! It’s awesom (SP) that you will come (WT) to my town for a week. I’m sure I’ll be able to make time to see you.

Even __ (M) I’m at work you can explore by (WW) your own. If I were you, I’d visit the old city. The vibe there is fantastic and there are loads of cool things to see. When you’re there, you ought to (R) have a meal at a restaurant in __ (M) main square. You could also try one of our town’s craft beers at a local beer house (WW).

If you’re still keen on running, I suggest to spend (WF) time in the park as you can go for a jog along the river. If the whether (SP) will be (WT) good, I’ll also show you some secret spots with a great view over (WW) the city. The way up there is a bit stepe (SP), so you may need better shoes than flip flops, but I guess that won’t be __ (M) problem as I know you’re into outdoor activities.

Why don’t you check up (WW) the town online? You might want to make a list of things you’d like to make (WW) during your trip. Let me know if you find anything interesting.

Looking forward to hearing from you and see you soon!

Yours sincerely (R),

Tom

 

Corrected version:

 

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your message. Great to hear from you!

Wow! It’s awesome that you’re coming / you’ll be coming to my town for a week. I’m sure I’ll be able to make time to see you.

Even if I’m at work you can explore on your own. If I were you, I’d visit the old city. The vibe there is fantastic and there are loads of cool things to see. When you’re there, you should / could have a meal at a restaurant in the main square. You could also try one of our town’s craft beers at a local brewery.

If you’re still keen on running, I suggest spending time in the park as you can go for a jog along the river. If the weather is good, I’ll also show you some secret spots with a great view of the city. The way up there is a bit steep, so you may need better shoes than flip flops, but I guess that won’t be a problem as I know you’re into outdoor activities.

Why don’t you check out the town online? You might want to make a list of things you’d like to do during your trip. Let me know if you find anything interesting.

Looking forward to hearing from you and see you soon!

Take care,

Tom

 

Assessor’s comments:

Content: 

All content is relevant to the task. The target reader is fully informed.

Band: 5

Communicative Achievement:

The email is written in a natual, confident style using an informal, chatty register throughout. This is achieved by missing out words (Great to hear from you, Looking forward to seeing you) use of exclamations, and some nicely chosen vocabulary and phrases.

Band: 4

Organisation:

The email is well organised and coherent. All the main points are addressed in a logical, clear way. There is excellent variety of language for making suggestions (If I were you, I suggest, Why don’t you, You might want to). Cohesive devices could be used to greater effect.

Band: 4

Language:

A range of informal vocabulary is used effectively with some lovely word choices such as ‘awesome’, ‘loads’, ‘cool’ and ‘vibe’. The range of grammar structures and tenses is somewhat limited, but appropriate to the task.There are some errors in tense, verb form and spelling which interfere slightly with the flow of the email.

Band: 3